Last night Basil asked me for paper and pen. He got busy scribbling. He happily told me, "I'm drawing a shark". The he excitedly pointed at the paper and squealed, "There is his dorsal fin!".
As a mom of six, all handrafted and raised with the same mate using the same methods, I have been blessed with top secret information on the nature vs nurture debate. Kids are what they are and they come here different. And while this may take some of the wind out of the sails of people who think their kids are great BECAUSE they are great parents it is important to remind parents who have kids who struggle that they really couldn't have changed much. Even with all of the evidence I've been presented with I still beat myself up with What If's.
Basil is two and will be three in the beginning of January. I've had two/three year olds who could not speak, who spoke in one word sentences, who could spell their name, who could sleep through the night, who had their nights and days confused, who could go for sleepovers, who couldn't handle having me in a different room than they were in, who breast fed, who were weaned, who loved outings, who could not leave the house, some who were afraid of sharks, and some who could identify a dorsal fin. Ariel and I raised all of them with equal access to extended family and community and resources. We didn't decide to make certain things easy of some of our kids and cripple some of them in certain areas. They just came out who and how they are.
The best we can do as parents is treat ourselves to really enjoying all of the good and extending a helping hand for the bad.
They other day Ariel teased me by calling me Tiger Mom. Tiger Mom is a woman who pushed her kids to excellence by expecting excellence of them. I argue that they were simply made that way and she lucked out that they were "good enough" for her exacting standards.
I am not a Tiger Mom. I'm not a good mom or a bad mom. I just gave birth to and fed and sheltered and loved six kids.
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