Thursday, January 31, 2013

A Man With A Plan

     When Enzo was five he told me, "I hope my wife likes my bedroom".


     "I want her to be happy when she moves in here".

     When Enzo was six he told me he was never ever ever ever moving out.  I told him he will be welcome to stay at home but when he is a grown up he will have to help out around the house.  Enzo said that was a  horrible idea.  He hated house work.  Fearing that if I gave my six year old an inch he would take a mile when he was thirty, I decided to lay firm ground rules that very afternoon.  "Enzo, you"ll either have to help out  around the inside of the house or you"ll have to get a job and help Daddy pay for things".

     Enzo thought about this for a while before saying, "I don't deal", (he used to say that a lot when he didn't agree with what we were putting out there).  "Working is hard.  I can't do it."

     Clara, who was four then, chimed in with,"There are easy jobs out there, Enzo.  You could work at Wal Mart.  Those jobs look easy".

     "Hmmm.  I don't know," Enzo grumbled.  "I guess, but I don't want to be the guy who takes the money.  That's a lot of responsibility.  I'll only do it if I can be the guy who wears the blue vest and walks around the aisles doing nothing".

     The years passed and Enzo tried to devise ways to be paid to play video games to contribute to the household.  Then, just a few nights ago Enzo said, "This may come as a surprise to some of you, but when I grow up I'd like to live in a big city".  His reasons were that it is boring here because there is nothing to look at and also in cities there are restaurants everywhere.  I can't blame the kid.  The most exciting thing that happened to me today was the glimmering shower of clear gel pellets that rained down upon the laundry room after I unknowingly washed a disposable diaper with my bed sheets then shook them out before I realized what  I had done.

     Tonight Enzo asked if California is on the other side of the country.  He also asked if Hollywood is in California.  After receiving two answers in the positive he said, "Well, don't expect to see much of me around  here when I grow up!  I'm moving to Hollywood, California!"

     I'm always interested in what passions are brewing inside of my children so I asked, "What are you going to do there?"

     "Be rich", was my boy's immediate reply.

     Why didn't I think of that?

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Part Of Your World

     When people ask me what my husband does for a living I can feel my eyes glaze over and my jaw slacken as the hamster in my head sprints furiously on his (or her) wheel trying to produce an answer to the question.  My husband is a builder, a renovator, a landscaper, a decorator, an electrician, a plumber, a housekeeper, a car detailer, a car stereo installer, a car stereo salesman, a home theater installer, a scrapper, a painter, a roofer, a musician (don't ask), a photographer, a landlord, a mason, an alternative energy system retailer, an alternative energy system installer, the ultimate Mega Man champion (this does not contribute to his earnings, but it sure makes the kids happy), a frequent e bay seller, a mechanic, an ATV builder, a used car dealer, a mover, a disaster cleanup specialist...and anything else you are willing to pay him to do.

     Today Ariel wore his landlord/plumber hat.  He was hard at work in one of his rental units trying to figure out why the hot water was only willing to come out of the faucets in a mere trickle.  He imagined this would be a simple project and was surprised when hours later he was sopping wet and had disassembled and reassembled nearly all of the home's plumbing.  As is often the case when he embarks on such adventures, curiosity got the better of the children of the house and they often stole peeks at him.  The young lad of the house quickly lost interest in him and chose instead to watch You Tube videos of people making stupid noises and strange faces.  This reminded Ariel of his own sons, who can't be bothered to pull themselves away from their screens for, well, anything.  The cutie patootie three year old girl of the house however, stayed interested in the strange person in her home.  She repeatedly asked her Mommy and Daddy who that man was and what was he doing.  Finally she was told that he was fixing their water and that his name was Ariel.  This information quieted the girl down and even made her disappear for a while.  When she reappeared at Ariel's side he smiled down at her and then noticed she was now clutching a doll in her tiny hand, and this doll, of course, had long, vibrant, shiny red hair and fins.  The doll was none other than Disney's Little Mermaid, or Ariel, if you will.  

     I have to wonder if this precious child will be scarred for life by the night a balding, scruffy faced, Carhart clad princess knocked mineral buildup out of the pipes in her home.    

What Did You Learn Today?

     It is a simple question.  My husband pops it at the dinner table nearly every night.  The children supply the same answers every night.  We like routine.  Enzo will say, "Nothing".  Aston will say,"I don't remember what I learned today".  Enzo will say, "If you can't remember it, you didn't learn it, so you didn't learn anything".  I will flash Enzo death eyes.  Clara will wiggle a little in her seat before saying, drum roll please, "Nothing".  I will offer up something stupid like,"I learned that grabbing the wood stove with just my sleeve pulled down over my hand is still a bad idea", then ask Ariel, "did you learn anything today, Sweetie?"  He'll say, "Nothing".

     Of course they didn't learn "Nothing" (the kids anyway).  They just like to recite their entire day when Ariel and I are engaged in a separate, adult conversation.  Apparently, interruption is a key ingredient in information recall.  Enzo was on a fantastic roll last night as Ariel and I went over the mystery of the disappearing brick of mozzarella cheese.  Enzo told us all about the temperatures on Mercury and Venus.  He told us about the terrain on Mars.  He explained the significance of the size of Jupiter.  I interjected, "And you don't learn anything at school!"

     He gave a frustrated, "Ugh, I DON'T.  I learned all of this in second grade.  I haven't learned anything since second grade!" and continued merrily on with his lecture.  He gave the history of Earth's formation and said that if you applied this information to Mars's moon it would show that Mars's moon will support life someday.  Then he was positively radiating excitement as he exploded,"With the ability of space travel, and another inhabitable planet WE could be intergalactic invaders!!!  MOM!!! WE WOULD BE THE ALIENS!!!!! Oh I wish I had a crystal ball so I could know if this will happen in my lifetime.  I want to be an alien SOOO bad!"

     I don't know if there is some sort of nerd rating system, but I'd bet Enzo would rank very high on that scale and I couldn't be prouder!