I've made peace with Enzo, Clara, and Aston being out of the house by rejoicing in Dorothy's ability to take a complete nap in our quiet house. Today, however, Aston managed to disturb her nap from school. I had just put Dot in bed, made my way to the kitchen, put the stopper in the sink, when the phone rang. Wasn't it the school nurse telling me Aston was having a horrible morning and crying for his mommy. Talk about a broken heart! Aston must have felt REALLY bad. He never calls me mommy!
I took Dorothy out of bed, mad at myself for being annoyed with poor helpless Aston for making me do it, and went to rescue my little boy. Oh, the guilt that came over me. Why, why, WHY didn't I follow my instincts and send him to a nice half day preschool this year instead of kindergarten. I can count the number of times he's been with someone other than Ariel or me on my fingers and even then it was a grandparent, aunt, or uncle. Of course a full day of kindergarten is too much for him. I remembered his tiny voice telling me just the night before, "I hate school. It is such a big, big day and I miss you".
When I saw his itsy bitsy self sitting at a table in the nurse's office I felt as badly as I ever have. Then he looked up at me with a splotchy red face absolutely soaked in tears and I knew there is a special place in Hell for me because I have allowed my child, my child I am supposed to take care of, feel afraid and upset.
I tell you, I do not know what to do from here. I've been attacking this issue from a couple different angles. Firstly, I gave him a laxative. This may sound a bit bizarre but that kid gets all out of sorts if he is backed up. Secondly, I asked Aston about what was making him upset. As with every conversation with Aston, I ended up having to hide a chuckle or two. The school has a color coded behavior chart; green, you're good; yellow, you need to watch it; red...the seat in Hell next to mine might be for you. After asking me if playtime was fun when I was a kid Aston exhaled, "The real problem is that staying on green is exhausting!"
Aston says he wants to earn a prize from the treasure chest in his classroom so I'll try sending him back tomorrow but I'm not convinced he is ready for this... What doesn't kill him makes him stronger, right? I just don't know if I'm strong enough to sit back and let him get strong.