Wednesday, May 9, 2012

People are Strange

     Do you ever stop and think about the things we do?  As people, as a society, as Americans we do some stuff that seems just fine at face value but upon further investigation is just plain bizarre.  Today I was driving past a Target on my way to Home Depot.  I noticed the Target was flanked by two enormous red balls.  Someone envisioned those red balls and made them happen.  Someone built them, installed them...They are entirely useless red balls.  Perhaps they represent the legions of useless crap contained within Target's walls. Maybe they are a warning, If you think these are pointless just wait until you see half of the junk you are going to stuff in your cart...

     Like solar powered outdoor lamps.  This weekend my parents picked up some new solar powered lamps for their house and my grandmother's house.  I was really into them too, until Aston was begging for a set in Home Depot.  As I considered purchasing them (we live on a country road with no street lights, after all) I thought about all of the times I was aiming for my front door and missed due to lack of illumination.  Not once folks.  I've never ever been lost in my front yard crying out into the night, "If only I had half a dozen faintly glowing, highly decorative lamps to guide me to the porch!".  So, no tiny solar lamps for the Joneses.  Aston was quite disappointed.

     There are so many wacky things that we just do and consider normal.  Ever notice fashion?  Who let that one slip by? Or holidays?  How about the way we measure success in miles (specifically the ones you move away from your home town)?  There is body hair removal, food consumption as a form of entertainment, lawn fertilizing, crossword puzzles, this cupcake craze that's sweeping the nation, tattoos, weekend homes,  countless hours spent chasing/ throwing/ hitting balls or, even odder, watching other people do it... the list is probably endless.

     Ariel spends a small portion of his time wondering how long it would take for all of this to crumble and for Mother Nature to take over in the event of, say, a zombie apocalypse.  This week he and his brother answered this nagging question.

     Two hours.

     Ariel and Marley were installing a solar array on the home some people we know plan to retire to.  The house is located in western upstate NY, which, for those of you who don't know, is the official middle of nowhere.  With nothing but nature as far as the eye can see they quickly slipped into a Lord of the Flies mind frame.  They fished a pond on the land for their lunch.  Marley, the one with fishing experience, explained to Ariel that after catching a fish you bash it between the eyes with a rock to kill it quickly. gag.  Marley caught a fish instantly and Ariel had him hold up the line so the fish was pinata style.  Ariel proceeded to punch the fish in the head.

     He punched a fish.


     In no time at all spears and eventually a trident were fashioned from sticks lying about.  In the end, Marley captured a toad (whom he christened Snuggles) and made him their mascot.  Snuggles made the long journey back home with the fellas in a coffee cup as they could not leave their comrade behind.  After fussing over Snuggles's living accommodations and getting him settled in, Marley announced that Snuggles was relatively lame as far as pets go.  I assume he will be released presently.  Snuggles just doesn't belong in the strange world we call civilization.



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